Field Data / Abstinence Study

• Trash haulers no longer making book on number of wine bottles they'll find in subject's recycling.
  
  
• Subject no longer needs Bobcat 2100 UTV to transport recycling to curb.
  
  
• Subject can find curb without asking directions.
  
  
• Subject's recycling no longer reverberates like the Angelus through neighborhood when mechanical arm slam-dunks it into truck.
  
  
• Subject's Catholic neighbors no longer cross themselves when subject's recycling is slam-dunked into truck.
  
  
• Trash haulers have started making book on number of plastic mineral water bottles they'll find in subject's recycling.
  
  
• Subject can manually carry seven to twelve recycling bags to curb simultaneously.
  
  
• Trash haulers have started manually slam-dunking subject's recycling bags into truck.
  
  
• Trash haulers have started making book on how many recycling bags can be manually slam-dunked into truck simultaneously.
  
  
• Police have cited subject's trash haulers for multiple illegal gambling operations.
  
  
• Subject embarrassed to be seen buying O'Doul's at neighborhood liquor store, disguises self as elderly woman.
  
  
• Everyone at neighborhood liquor store recognizes subject.
  
  
• To save face, subject sneaks empty O'Doul's bottles into neighbor's recycling under cover of darkness.
  
  
• Subject's face saved.
  
  
• Subject found face lying on bathroom floor, saved it, keeps it in a jar by the door.
  
  
• Subject still looks in bathroom mirror and sees Mickey Rourke.
  
  
• Subject no longer looks in bathroom mirror and sees three Mickey Rourkes.
  
  
• Subject can find bathroom without asking directions.
  
  
• Netflix has updated subject's preferred genre from "Historical Documentaries" to "Understated Emotional Dramas Featuring a Strong Female Gnome."
  
  
• Subject thinks "Gnomeo and Juliet" great example of ensemble acting.
  
  
• Subject looking forward to future release of "A Midsummer Night's Gnome."
  
  
• Subject looking forward to future.
  
  
• Odds of subject having future to look forward to recently improved.
  
  
• Subject has started making headway on road to future.
  
  
• Trash haulers have started making book on how far subject will get before asking directions.